i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
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he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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