Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
