I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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