I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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