Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize