Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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