VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
