I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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