anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
