Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
