Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
