oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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