If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
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