Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
