my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
