Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
