kristin has been a bad kristin
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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