oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
