capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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