Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
