I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
