You can't special order awesome
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I know her cup size but not her name....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
