Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
