Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
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I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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