All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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