I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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