I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
