I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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