I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
