wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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