I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The power of my boobs compel you
My Sexting was not on an AP level
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
