I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
