I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
