dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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