Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
time to smoke my breakfast
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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