In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
