I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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