I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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