Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
