Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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