Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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