You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
