the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
