proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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