At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
