I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
