its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
