We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
