i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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