All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
