how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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