Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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