The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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