Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
