My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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