I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
