Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
