I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
