i jhust puked up my retainher.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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