This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
