Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
