I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
50% drunk capacity currently
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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