Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
