the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
