he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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