You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
