she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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