Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
