Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
