I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
