Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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