Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Please, let me fuck your mom
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
