And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
