well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
