I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
