If that was your dad, he is hot
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
