If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
