i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
