so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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