Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
