got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
