This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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