tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
