i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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